Your vagina does not need a cucumber cleanse

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    Your vagina does not need a cucumber cleanse
    (Picture: Getty/metro.co.uk)

    Alright, people with vaginas. Get out your ‘things I shouldn’t put in my vagina’ notebook and get ready to add another one to the list.

    So far you should have wasp’s nests, balls of herbs, yoni tea, glitter, ozone gas, makeup sponges, yoni oil, Bonjela, tea tree oil, and jade eggs.

    All caught up? Brilliant.

    Now write down ‘cucumbers’. Cucumbers should not go into your vagina without a condom, and they definitely should not be peeled and inserted into your vagina to give yourself a ‘cleanse’.

    You may be thinking ‘well, that’s obvious’, but apparently it is not. We gave ‘cucumber vagina’ a quick Google search and – along some bunch of pornographic videos – we found a whole load of tutorials on how to ‘cleanse’ your vagina with a cucumber.

    Apparently cucumber cleanses are indeed something people are doing to their vaginas, and it’s a technique that’s being recommended by a bunch of dodgy blogs and YouTube videos.

    metro illustrations
    (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

    Fans of the technique claim that a cucumber’s high water content and vitamins make it a great way to clean your vagina, get rid of bacteria, maintain a pH balance, and suppress odours.

    They recommend peeling the skin off a cucumber and then, well, putting it into your vagina, twisting it in there for around 20 minutes.

    It should go without saying that this is not a good idea or something any vagina needs, but here we are, saying it.

    Do not give your vagina a cucumber ‘cleanse’. Do not stick a cucumber in your vagina.

    The vagina is self-cleaning. It does not need any additional cleansing, and anything you’re shoving up there to try and ‘refresh’ it will likely disrupt the good bacteria and pH balance of your vag, causing discomfort and infection.

    Your vagina does not need a cucumber cleanse
    (Picture: Getty)

    Plus, as vagina expert Dr Jen Gunter points out, you have no idea what could be lurking on a cucumber that you then stick up your vagina.

    ‘Cucumbers seem prone to all kinds of nasty fungi and I just don’t think anything capable of getting blossom end rot should go in a vagina,’ Jen writes on her blog.

    ‘There has been an increase over the past few years of opportunistic fungal infections, organisms that typically don’t cause human infection making the jump to humans when the right opportunity presents itself. An opportunity like say direct inoculation into a vagina.

    ‘All in all I’d say it’s probably wise to not introduce an object with unknown plant microorganisms into your vagina.

    ‘And no, a little wash in the kitchen sink it’s going to sterilize the cucmber.’

    Good point.

    Oh, and cucumbers can be massive and rigid, which could cause injury such as, Jen claims, bladder perforation. *Shudder*.

    If you want to put something in your vagina for sexual pleasure, go right ahead and use a sex toy expressly made for that purpose, or your hands if you can’t be bothered. Make sure they’ve been wiped down and choose high quality products made with vagina-safe materials.

    If you’re keen to ‘cleanse’ your vagina, do nothing. Your vagina is like a cat – perfectly capable of cleaning itself. Anything you do to try and give it a power wash is only going to mess things up.

    All you need to do is wash the vulva (that’s the outside part of your genitals) with warm water. That’s it.

    Leave the cucumber for your salad, thanks.

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