In case recent events weren’t enough evidence that America is about to go out David Carradine-style, there’s apparently a Teen Mom cruise that people are actually spending money to get diarrhea on instead of going down to Walmart where you can gawk at pregnant teens for free. (Is it safe to feed them bread crumbs? Maybe.) Except unlike our country, there’s actually a light at the end of this shit-tunnel, and it’s Farrah Abraham wasn’t invited. TMZ reports:
A spokesperson for the cruise tells us Farrah wasn’t asked to be one of the main attractions for the fan event because they’re aiming for a family-friendly environment. Instead they went with Maci Bookout, Amber Portwood and Kailyn Lowry.
If you’re like me, this information is very confusing because who’s more family-friendly than Farrah Abraham? Look at her, she carries around a puppet for Chrissakes. Kids love Larry The Lamprey!
“Give me a nice kiss, Larry.”
“Sure, Farrah. And thanks for me teaching me not to play with matches.”
“What are best friends for?”
(Dear Nick Jr., that was just a taste. Call me.)