Nobody Watched The VMAs


    Despite promises of an uncensored Kanye West and Britney Spears performing live to redeem herself from her 2007 shitshow, the 2016 VMAs experienced record low ratings, according to Deadline:

    On TV, 6.5 million viewers watched last night’s orgy of performances, antics and awards dispensing across 11 Viacom networks including MTV, MTV2, MTV Classic, VH1, Comedy Central, Spike, TV Land, BET, CMT, Centric and Logo. That’s a steep slide from the 2015 VMAs, which had snared 9.8 million total viewers across 10 Viacom networks – which, in turn, was down from previous year’s 10.3M.

    Of course, this would’ve been great to know before I wasted days I’ll never get back trying to squeeze pageviews out of a stone nobody gives a fuck about. So if anyone needs me, I’ll be over here smoking with Ben Affleck and wondering what we’re doing with our lives.

    ben affleck smoking
    “No. Fack you. I saw what you wrote about my tits.”
    “Aw, c’mon.”
    “And I don’t sit in my fackin’ cah vaping to fackin’ music.”
    “They’re chants. Gregorian chants. Fackin’ Tahm Brady swears by em.”

    We’ll smoke tomorrow. He said tomorrow works better for him.

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    Photos: Getty