I had my dreams crushed when We first heard Colin Jost and Scarlett Johansson were touching butts at the SNL wrap party a few weeks back. Since then Johansson’s latest movie Rough Night, an all-female bastard child of Very Bad Things and Weekend At Bernie’s, has been received as exactly that. This past Saturday a ‘spy’ went to PageSix claiming they caught Scarlett and Colin out at a bar in between butt touching sessions (that’s all they’re doing, just butt stuff). From PageSix:
The new couple were spotted having dinner at the East Pole. “They were really chill and super nice. They were holding hands and having drinks,” a spy told us. Johansson downed a couple of Manhattans and he ordered one of the restaurant’s specialty cocktails.
They were ‘chill’? What am I supposed to do with that? Did he at least pickup the bill? Did he compliment her radiant smile? Show appreciation for her intelligent yet playful voice? Tell her that We Bought A Zoo should never be the butt of any joke? I need to know these details, goddammit!
One thing is for certain, if they had a baby… *shudders*… it would be horrible and look like this:
Now compare that with the composite of what a Scarlett Cappuccino love-spawn would look like:
I win. Back off, Colin.