Sometimes, there will be people in your life you don’t particularly like. In fact, you could possibly even say you hate them.
It might be something they said or did in the past. Maybe you just hate the things they stand for. Whatever it is, we cannot get along with everyone, and that’s perfectly natural.
However, much as you try to get this person off your mind…you can’t help but notice something. They’re pretty hot. In fact, if you could just forget you hate their guts, you wouldn’t mind hopping into bed with them.
This is the definition of hate sex. Seeing someone you dislike, but can’t help being attracted to. Your eyes meet, and much as you can’t stand to be in the same room as them, you also badly want to f*** them.
Then, before you know it, you’re tearing off each other’s clothes and having absolutely mind-blowing sex. As long as you don’t have to listen to the s*** they have to say, and it’s all about the feel-good, your time with them is amazing.
For many people, hate sex is a great way to vent frustrations. Knowing you can be as kinky and passionate as you want with that person, in that moment, can be a godsend. It allows you to move on, knowing that sure, you hate them, but damn, that sex helped you deal with the anger.
Those who have had relationships end, but need to just have one last shag to provide closure for all those negative feelings, often find that a nice big climax is the perfect solution.
A steamy session of hate f***ing, where you’re both letting loose and being a little rough with each other, where you don’t need to speak because your actions speak so much louder than words…it can be the stuff dreams are made of.
There’s something you should bear in mind before stripping naked with that guy or girl you hate, though. Make sure you both know where you stand, and that you’re both in it purely for the sex. Dr Gayle Brewer, senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Central Lancashire, told metro.co.uk: ‘Hate sex can be particularly intense and passionate. On a physical level, we may therefore find it especially satisfying.
‘Caution is required, however, to avoid misunderstandings or distress – and it’s important to consider all feelings toward the other person and the way in which the sex may complicate the relationship.
‘For example, one person might believe that they are simply engaging in hate sex with an ex whilst the other person may believe that they are re-establishing the relationship.’
In other words, if you and that person you hate are down for a night of sexually charged passion – with the knowledge that you’ll walk off in the morning, after achieving the goal of having a great orgasm or three, and that’s it – then go for it.
What you need to know before having hate sex
- It’s not going to resolve major issues. Sex can provide a short-term release, but if you’ve got ongoing drama with someone, a quickie isn’t going to solve anything.
- This doesn’t mean hatred is good to hold onto. Yes, getting amazing sex out of those feelings is fun, but that doesn’t then translate to ‘hate is good’. Holding onto negativity is never a good idea, nor is developing any ideas that hatred can be ‘rewarded’ with sex.
- Have boundaries that you stick to. Hate sex can get particularly rough, and for those who don’t regularly have sex of this sort, you’ll need to have a safeword so your sexual partner knows when you’re uncomfortable with something.
- Don’t do it hoping to get your relationship back. If your relationship ended, and you’re angry with your ex partner for whatever reason, giving them passionate sex isn’t going to result in them wanting you back. There are bigger reasons why you’re over, and they can’t be fixed with sex.
- Avoid it if you think you’ll end up feeling ashamed. Some people will wake up the morning after passionate hate sex and feel bad that they had sex with someone they wouldn’t usually engage with. If you sense you’ll struggle to compartmentalise that steamy lovemaking session, don’t do it at all.