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Firebox has just launched the perfect Valentine’s Day card for this exact purpose.
From the outside the Never-Ending Valentine’s Day Card looks just like any other inoffensive card, decorated with a ‘be mine’ love heart. Sweet.
But once your chosen recipient opens it, the card starts to play a jingle.
Which is annoying in itself (seriously, friends and family, please stop buying musical cards. They are universally hated). But this particular jingle is especially irritating because it won’t stop playing – even after you close the card and attempt to carry on with your life.
The card will continue to play the jingle for the next three or more hours. The only way you can make it stop is to completely destroy the card, smashing and ripping it up with frenzied, furious hands.
But the second you do that, a load of heart-shaped sequins and glitter will pour out.
As we all know, glitter is a horrible substance that you will never be able to rid from your face, clothing, and furniture, so this is a truly evil addition.
Essentially, this is the card you should get for someone if you’d like to end your relationship in a really dumb way, you’re a professional troll who thinks you’re hilarious (you aren’t), or you have never interacted with a human before and don’t understand that giving someone a card that won’t stop playing music is a dick move.
If this does sound like you, we’re sorry.
But also, you’ll probably want to know that the card also has a ‘safety mode’ that lets you sign and test out the card before you hand it over. Useful to know so you don’t accidentally play yourself (which you would absolutely deserve).
If you are a rubbish person who wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day by making someone’s life miserable for a few hours, Firebox’s Never-Ending Valentine’s Day card is on sale now for £10.99.
Enjoy your V Day.
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